Emergency Staffing emergency: Our Head of Randomness has been placed on administrative leave after attempting to predict the next UUID. We are currently using a backup D20 die.
STOP GENERATING UUIDs LOCALLY.
It's 2026. Your CPU has better things to do than shuffle bits. Outsource your primary keys to our proprietary cluster of high-entropy interns.
{
"uuid": "34422870-3cb2-4901-bad1-5c3a616b84df",
"version": 4,
"method": "Web-Scale Cryptographic Randomness",
"deduplicated": true,
"sponsored_by": "CloudStrike"
}
* Zero collisions since the intern started last Tuesday.
One Simple API
No authentication. No rate limits (we just let the server crash). No complex headers.
Try it now!
/api/uuid // Click "Run Request" to start the magic...Note: Actual speed depends on how fast the intern can type.
Drop-in JavaScript
fetch('https://uuid.doong.me/api/uuid')
.then(r => r.json())
.then(res => {
// Terms of service require this log
console.log(res.sponsored_by);
console.log(Your UUID is: ${res.uuid});
});For Python Developers
# pip install uaas
import uaas as uuid_as_service
client = uuid_as_service.Client()
id = client.get_id()
# Required by SLA
client.print_sponsor()For Rust Rewrite Enthusiasts
// Zero-cost abstractions for fetching a string
let uuid = UaaS::new()
.with_web_scale()
.await_entropy()
.expect("Failed to reach consensus");Unmatched Performance
We benchmarked our API against traditional local generation. The results are scientifically indisputable.
* Benchmarks performed while Barnaby was eating a very spicy burrito.
Web-Scale Entropy
Our entropy is sourced from a globally distributed cluster of interns rolling high-speed D20 dice in high-altitude data centers.
Automatic Deduplication
We check every generated UUID against our master spreadsheet (stored in Barnaby's Dropbox) to ensure 0.00000% collisions. Guaranteed.
Post-Quantum Randomness
Our generation algorithm is so random that even we don't know what it's doing. Not even Barnaby. Especially not Barnaby.
Enterprise Security
We don't log your UUIDs because we forgot how to setup the logging middleware. Your privacy is our technical debt.
Trusted by companies that don't know we exist
Simple Pricing
Hacker
For side projects that will never see the light of day.
- 100,000 IDs / month
- Public API access
- Community support (Twitter)
- Mandatory Console Ads
Web-Scale Enterprise
For companies that have too much VC money.
- Unlimited IDs
- No Sponsor Messages
- Custom UUID versions (UUID 5, 6, 42)
- Barnaby's personal phone number
Enterprise plan is currently unavailable while Barnaby recovers from his administrative leave.
Roadmap
- UUID v4 SupportCompleted
- UUID v7Q3 2026
- Blockchain-Verified EntropyDelayed (Lost the seed phrase)
- Hire second intern to watch first internPending Budget Approval
What devs say
“I used to generate UUIDs in my own code. Now I make a network request to a third-party service I don't control. My latency is up by 400ms but my 'vibe' score is through the roof.” — Dong, Founder of UaaS
“Highly recommended for anyone looking to add unnecessary dependencies to their stack.” — Not Barnaby
System Status
Barnaby sat on the D20 die, flattening it into a D2. Efficiency has dropped back to binary coin-flip levels. Our tech leads are currently trying to reshape the dice using a hair dryer.
Switched from coin-flipping to a high-speed D20 die system. This upgrade has boosted UUID generation performance by 432%.
Meet the Team
Barnaby is currently detained for rigging the D20 dice with magnets.